I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
