My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
