I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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