It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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