textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
