The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Help. Why am I so naked?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
