The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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