you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
