she was so not down for the gang bang
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
