I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
