I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
