Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
