oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize