mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
