You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
