I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
