My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
