Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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