she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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