so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
