your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize