Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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