well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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