I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
All I want is dick and wine.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
