I cockslap morals
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
