I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
