my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
