I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The police scanner is talking about you again....
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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