Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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