I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
