Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
