i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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