I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
