Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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