My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
