I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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