I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
