I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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