my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
