ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize