I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
