I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
