im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
