Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
