I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
