I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize