I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
