You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
