She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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