apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
