I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
