Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
