remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I think I just sharted jello shots
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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