How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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