Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
