Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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