It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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