can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
