you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
