I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
