Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
