I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
