Non-Jews are for practice
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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