I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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