how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
