He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
