i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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