I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
