Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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