i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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