Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
our cab driver is having phone sex.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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